take cover!...hide the children!...the quotes are coming!

Wow, the first batch of good quotes since school!  Here we go:
 
 1. I don't get any service between my legs -- Allison -- Really?  I do 
   
 2. Catherine, stop wiggling, you're getting me excited -- Allison -- Why do all of the parties at my house turn weird?
  
 3. I'm not cattle, quit prodding me! -- me -- Moooo...I mean...damn it
  
 4. No one names their penis Nemo -- Allison -- How do you know?
  
 5. Feel Cat -- Allison -- Ya know, I'd rather not
  
 6. I often plook when I hit Jerry's Pizza trucks -- Allison -- What is the definition of a plook?
  
 7. You just said stroke and cox (cocks...hehe) in the same sentence -- Allison --Naughty, naughty
  
 8. There's an ass light -- Allison -- See, now that's not something I have in my room
  
 9. It doesn't need thumbs, it has a very skilled tongue -- Allison -- Let's not even get into that one

 
10. I enjoy it slow -- me -- Pretty self explanitory, isn't it?
 
11. Is it going down easy? -- Lia -- Yes, yes it is
 
12. I pulled the stick out -- Amanda -- Good, it shouldn't stay in for too long
 
13. I'm a one handed prophet -- Amanda -- Yeah, or a curbside prophet
 
14. I'm drying out my knee! -- Lia -- Okay!  Have fun with that!
 
15. What is it, elephant butt hair? -- Amanda -- Yes...
 
16. My fart! -- me -- This is what happens when Lia farts on your foot
 
17. Suck it! -- Amanda -- No!
 
18. Don't you put your finger in my fuzzy! -- me -- Oooh saucy
 
19. We're drunken tourettes with gas problems -- Cat -- Nope, no gas problems here, that's Lia and Cat

20. She's awake...I'm rollin' on her -- Cat -- That's...interesting

21. Kristine has a cold butt -- Cat -- I'm enlightened

 

the pureed beets incident

Oh My God! Yesterday was so much fun! We had a surprise party for Cat's 17th birthday. Lia and I were talking on the phone like 4 days ago and decided that we should have a surprise party, and everything actually worked, except for the fact that I forgot to tell some people to spend the night...but all in all it was a blast. Oh, so anyways, Cat nearly foiled our plans by deciding to meet us at Tim Hortons rather than have us pick her up, so Lia and I were on the phone for about 1 hour trying to figure out new way to make this party work. So, everyone was supposed to arrive at 8-ish and just chill upstairs until Lia, Cat and I got back from Timmy's, but when Cat decided to drive, Lia and I decided that I should stay at my house while she went and stalled Cat at Tim Hortons...but being the coniving bitch that I am, I came up with a lie at the last minute: (oh, btw, Lia and I told Cat that we had to work so that we could stall it as long as possible) Lia met Cat at Timmy's and told her that I had to go home real quick and take a shower because I somehow managed to get pureed beets in my hair and I would meet them there at 8:30 (it's scary when that kind of lie is believable)...but Lia and I both knew that I wouldn't be going up their at all, I just had to wait until everyone got there, then I could call Lia and tell her to just come over. Almost everything went according to plan, but Kristine couldn't make it until later. Anyways, back at my house, I had everyone hiding upstairs and when Cat and Lia arrived, we went upstairs, of course Cat had to go first. We sure surprised her, she almost fell down the stairs...we even made her cry! I think there were ten people there at one point, and we all chipped in to get her a dvd player and some dvd's. Lia, Cat, Kristine and Amanda ended up spending the night, and we started playing a game called "Fruits" but we soon adapted it to fit our own taste...lets just say tourettes would have been a more appropriate name. We didn't go to sleep until about 6:00 this morning, so I'm running on 3.5 hours of sleep.

the tranquilizer dart

I just yawned and it sounded like Will Ferrell when he got hit with a tranquilizer dart in Old School...and then I laughed for like 5 minutes...alone.

the athiest gay lesbian

Wow, last night Lia and I were talking on the phone...actually it was this morning, but anyways, she was looking at scholarships and there was one for athiest gays and lesbians.  For some reason that made me laugh so hard, but a lot of things make me laugh really hard after midnight.  I think she actually kept some quotes!  Today is gonna suck some big ass, I have to clean the house all day and my bedroom is a disaster area.  I'm really in the mood to watch How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days and I don't know why.  Oh, I forgot to tell you guys about my near panic attack last night.  This one seriously makes me doubt my sanity.  So, I was getting a spoon so I could get some cottage cheese out of the container and I open the drawer only to find that the tea spoons are where the soup spoons go and vice versa...I completely flipped out for half of a minute.  I was like "Oh my God mom, what happened to the spoons!  Mom, can you hear me?  I don't know what happened, they're in the wrong spot!"  She practically had to talk me down.  I think I need to go on some sort of anti-phsycotic medication.  Okay, enough for now, maybe I'll go for a bike ride.

So much for being on time...

I am so not in the mood to go to work. Oh shit! My uniforms are in the washer...I must dry them right now! Bubbye.

is that another penis guy?

My grandma is such a goof-ball, we were driving down I-94 and this really old guy was driving a little sports car, so my grandma asks if he's another penis guy...I guess I'll explain a little, my mom told my grandma that old guys who drive cars like that are making up for something *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.  I went to a used book store and got 6 or 7 books for thirty dollars, I'm so happy, I got The Devil Wears Prada and Bridget Jones's Diary among other things.  And then I sucked on popsicles until my mouth started to bleed.  I always seem to do that.  Oh, I just remembered something!  I was vaccuuming the other day and my cat was laying at the bottom of the stairs, hissing at the vaccuum.  It was actually kind of funny.  Before I go, I'm going to leave another shameless plug for my new blog good times, good times.  Yeah, so the name is the same as the old one, but otherwise it's cool. 

oh my Ford!

Brave New World is kind of a weird book, but it's interesting all the same.  One thing that struck me odd was that instead of using the word 'God', they used 'Ford'...yes, Henry Ford is their deity.  I think I'm going to start using Ford, its kinda fun and it confuses people.  I have to go make my dad's stupid lunch.  That means I have to touch mayonnaise...for all of you that don't know of my aversion to mayonnaise, besides the fact that its egg whites and vinegar...at the tender age of five, my brother convinced me that mayonnaise was glue, and even though I, a sixteen year old, know that mayonnaise is not glue, I can't use it.  Well, that was enough insight for one day.

Okay...I'm gonna end all the depressing shit after today.  The funeral was today...oh my God...seeing grown men cry is the most unnerving thing in the entire world.  The most ironic thing happened though today...the daughter of guy that died went into labor today.  Anyways, I'm a really bad person, I realized that I make fun of people....at funerals.  I'm going straight to hell...no stops on the way....just a one way ticket.  But how could I resist?  There was this one lady with a beard, this other lady is just a bitch, another guy looked like a weasel, and this one guy had a soul patch, but he was like 50.  I felt so sorry for his sons, Aaron and Chris, they are 27 and 20 and they're the two nicest people I know.  And the last depressing thing....I can't stand to look at dead bodies, they never look like the people that they were.  Sooooo.....If you didn't get an invitation to join my blog forum, I probably didn't have your email, so email me and I'll invite you.  Bubbye!

it's a good thing

Has anyone started reading Brave New World yet?  It's actually kinda good.  I'm really not looking forward to reading Frankenstein though, I'm sorry, but I'm just not into monsters.  Oh, and did anyone hear that Martha Stewart is going to jail for 5 months?  It's a good thing.  No, really, I think it's a bit excessive.  Anyways, I have to go tape Inuyasha for Lia, so I must leave you all now.

recycling blogs

Hey, I made a new blog, but this one is gonna be like a forum, different people can post, not just me...oh my gosh, does this mean I have to relinquish editorial control?  Anyways, if you want to join, email me and i'll add you to the list...yes, the list.

everything's different now

Can you tell I was bored?  I'm guessing that all of you are confused by the new title, it's something that my aunt will understand though!  All i can tell you is that my aunt's friend said that these two dogs looked like a dishrag and a raisin, and I just can't get that out of my head.  I'm finally starting to understand how to do some html crap, but I really have no clue what I'm doing.  I have to go to bed now, I'll post again today though.  Bubbye.

osckey, the lesser known mouse

I don't know what my problem is, but i had the Oscar Meyer weiner song stuck in my head, then all of the sudden it turned into the Mickey Mouse song, and when it got to the part when you spell Mickey Mouse, it went like this: O-S-C-K-E-Y-M-O-U-S-E.  How screwed up is that?

why do people die?

Holy f***!  Okay, I'm officially freaked out right now.  My dad's oldest friend, who he hasn't talked to in about 4 years because some stupid fight they had, died at work of a heart attack today.  He was practically my uncle...and his daughter, Shannon, is 9 months pregnant.  It seems so unreal.  In other news, I'm not going to go to U of M, because I was talking to an architect and he said that an architecture degree from U of M doesn't mean shit, so I'm probably going to go to CMU for 2 years and then I'll go to either Arizona State, Texas A & M, Virginia Tech, or Georgia Tech.  My brain is fried now, I can't even concentrate on blogging.

if wishes were raindrops...

So I'm out on my daily bike ride (10.11 miles, Yay me) and a torrential rainstorm starts, but me, being the dork that I am rode right through it...it rained for about 5 miles. I'm pretty much soaked to the bone, sitting here typing this vital information. I never thought dry clothes sounded so good. I'm contemplating renaming my blog, good times, good times is gettin' kind of old. Laters.

we all have our proclivities

Yep, you guessed it, I learned a new word today! Proclivity, which means predisposition. If I were any more of a nerd, it would hurt.

the whole world is out to get me

Okay, so that was a little melodramatic...but nothing seems to be going my way what so ever. And as if my life didn't suck enough, Blockbuster probably won't be getting season 2 of my current obsession, Six Feet Under. Good grief! Oh! I did rent Bad Santa...I couldn't resist, it looked too funny to pass up, something about a naughty santa just brightens my day. Okay...I just caught my dog staring at me and when I looked at him, he averted his eyes. Wow, I really need to get my summer reading books done, I haven't even bought them yet. I'd write more, but my dear mum is making me clean the bathroom. See y'all later.

msu sucks

I hate MSU with a passion right now. It seems like it and every other university I want to go to doesn't offer architecture as a major...wtf? I just thought I'd share that with y'all. Bubbye.

the girl who slept too much

Yeah, so I wake up this morning at 11:53, already pissed off that I had slept in so much, so I went downstairs and had breakfast and then I went on my bike ride. That's when it hit me...I was supposed to help out with the triathalon this morning at 6:00. I was so mad for a fraction of a second and then realized that there was nothing I could do about it. Yesterday I didn't blog because I was obsessive compulsively rearranging my bedroom...and listening to the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix audio book. I wish I wasn't so weird, because I have to rearrange my bedroom every few months, otherwise I can't stand to be in it. I actually want to go to work today, I'm such a freak. Oh and p.s. I love you Uncle Bill!

the crazy southerner strikes again

Oh my God, she just said "Warshington" instead of "Washington"!

i don't like strangers

There's some crazy assed woman in my house right now who might be moving in to a house on to our block. She's really weird and kind of abrasive, she also has an annoying southern accent. I have no idea who the hell she is, I guess she wanted to ask my mom about the neighborhood, so I guess she doesn't know who she is either. Oh my God! She just said "warsh" instead of "wash". I think I'm going to go crazy, maybe I'll go do the grocery shopping for my mom so I can get the hell out of here. Oh, here's a quote from my dear mother:

I feel like going in my bedroom and meowing really loud to wake up the cat -- mom -- Okay, so she doesn't sound completely crazy, my cat does that to her every morning, and he knocks stuff off of her dresser, but that's besides the point.

people are weird

Since I let you all in on my sleeping habits yesterday, I'll tell you today as well. I'm now a total reverse insomniac, instead of the mere two hours of sleep I got yesterday, I slept for 14 hours last night...yes I do realize that I have some issues. I think I'm officially going crazy, I was staring absentmindedly at my front door and I think the design in the door looks like a corset...wow, way too much Rocky Horror. I am so conflicted about which college to go to at the moment, I think I'm going to apply to U of M, EMU, CMU, and State, but U of M is kinda expensive. I think I'm gonna apply to University of Chicago, because I really, really want to live there, and the out of state tuition is about the same as U of M. Oh my God! I just remembered something that happened last night: I was playing Gin (rummy) online with Lia...I know, what a suprise, its what we do every night...anyways, and I created a table and this girl joins it, so I boot her from the table, so then she instant messages me and calls me a "rude slut". I feel so loved. I took out my rage on her and then ignored her, I did use a few words that I would never say out loud, just to make her feel like shit for a second. I've gotta go fix my computer, its being stupid. Bubbye.

boys don't make passes at girls with big gashes

I'm officially an insomniac, I went to sleep at 7:00 this morning. I put some of the time to good use though, I watched some episodes of Six Feet Under. By the way, I'm such a dork, I wanted to rent the first dvd, with the first few episodes on it, but I accidentally rented the one with episodes 8-10 on it. I think I'm gonna try and get off of work for tomorrow, I feel like I got ran over with a freight train. I've been procrastinating going to work, but now I must go.

procrastination is the key

Yeah, I know its been a long time since I've done quotes, but here's one to start anew:

I'm a pat rack -- Lia -- Oh, yeah yar

british people and my enormous dog

I forgot to tell you guys that I had to vaccuum my dog today. He's such a hairy beast, I swear that his hair grows at the same rate that I brush...or in today's case vaccuum it. I just got back from going out with Lia and Jeff, we had so much fun doing nothing. I really like trying to guess where people are from based on their accents, we couldn't decide where our waitress was from, she sounded like Mrs. (Miss?) Doubtfire. Lia finally asked her where she was from...and the verdict? She's British, my favorite. I think I'm going to throw up, my dad insists on watching "Nature's Nightmares: Bug Attack". This guy is getting stung voluntarily by different bugs...I'm seriously flipping out.

boy do i love the irish

Oooh, I got School of Rock and Under The Tuscan Sun today! I'm such a dork about movies. Ummmmm...let's see, I'm eating some turkey bacon right now. I think it's kind of a weird concept, because when you think of bacon, you think of pigs...well, at least I do, but whatever, it's better than pig bacon. I'm kinda mad at whoever named the moon, cause it should really have a name, Jupiter's moons have cool names, like Io and Europa...we should name it Agamemnon. My dad and my brother are watching The Recruit right now...Colin Farrel is really fricken hot. Okay, now I have to watch The Recruit. Bubbye.
P.S. Love you Uncle Bill